From inside the’Cocoon’ – There is a crack in everything

The Blackbird. outside my window. My sole companion (Image thesilvervoice)

Another week. It was a hard week as day 54 was crossed off my calendar.

I normally sleep very well, but for a number of consecutive nights, sleep either eluded me completely or was fitful.

It is hard enough getting through ‘normal’ days punctuated by rest of 7 or 8 hours of respite. But a solid block of 24 hours, alone with your thoughts, is not a safe place, not a good place to be. It becomes overwhelming – full of grief for those who have been claimed by this virus, full of sorrow for the bereaved families and friends we were powerless to support, full of sadness that our traditional funerals have become little more than body disposal exercises. And full of an overwhelming sense of loss for roads not taken and the heartbreak of lost and damaged relationships.

Such dark feelings border on depression. Interestingly, many friends tell me that this week has been a challenging one for them too, many of them in totally different situations to mine, yet all dragged down by deep anxiety that can be difficult to analyse.

Yet, there is a crack in everything letting the light in, as Leonard Cohen says. An unexpected phonecall, a video of a quest for bluebells along a woodland path, the sound of laughing children, a photo sent by a friend. And not least, the news that short outdoor exercising will be permitted from May 5.

A lovely photo, thoughtfully sent (Image Mary Colbert)

This too will pass, so we must ring the bell that still can ring.

I hope you enjoy this live performamce of Anthem , beautifully presented by Leonard Cohen and a host of musicians.

Anthem by Leonard Cohen

The birds they sang
At the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what
Has passed away
Or what is yet to be
Yeah the wars they will
Be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
Bought and sold
And bought again
The dove is never free

Ring the bells (ring the bells) that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything (there is a crack in everything)
That’s how the light gets in

Leonard Cohen, extraordinary poet.

• Here in Ireland, everyone who is compromised by health issues and those aged over 70 must stay at home, with food and medication being delivered by family members or teams of volunteers.This is called ‘Cocooning’ and this will be a series of short posts from inside the cocoon.

STAY SAFE. STAY HOME

From inside the ‘Cocoon’ – Spring

No sooner had I made the previous post than news came that my brother -in-law’s mother had died. In the midst of the relentless statistics and the names of lost loved ones, new life continues to emerge.

Spring is my favourite time of year and it was beginning to make an impact while I was still permitted a daily walk. I am so glad to have these images of lovely things still happening, of life going on, of nature unhalted, of seasons turning.

A ladybird explores a Dandelion. (Image thesilvervoice)

A magnificent Magnolia bursting forth (Image the silvervooce)

The queen of our Spring… beautiful wild Primroses (Image Thesilvervoice)

I love this poem by the 18th Century poet, John Clare (1793-1864)

To a Primrose

Welcome, pale primrose, starting up between
Dead matted leaves of oak and ash, that strew
The every lawn, the wood, and spinney through,
‘Mid creeping moss and ivy’s darker green!
How much thy presence beautifies the ground!
How sweet thy modest, unaffected pride
Glows on the sunny bank and wood’s warm side!
And where thy fairy flowers in groups are found
The schoolboy roams enchantedly along,
Plucking the fairest with a rude delight,
While the meek shepherd stops his simple song,
To gaze a moment on the pleasing sight,
O’erjoyed to see the flowers that truly bring
The welcome news of sweet returning Spring.

Context

Here in Ireland, everyone who is compromised by health issues and those aged over 70 must stay at home during the Covid-19 Pandemic with food and medication being delivered by family members or teams of volunteers. This is called ‘Cocooning’ and this is a series posts from inside the cocoon.

STAY SAFE. STAY HOME

Mandatory Retirement

I was delighted to be interviewed by the Irish Independent journalist Kim Bielenberg last week for his feature on Jobs for the over 65s. My input was on the far-reaching effects of mandatory retirement at age 65 and how it affected me.

The full article can be read here.

 

 

Leaving the world behind #2 – Meeting Old Nick

In the summer of 2016 I spent 6 weeks in a care facility following surgery on a multiple leg fracture. Six long weeks. Six weeks when I wondered what ever would become of me, six long weeks when I had time to contemplate what might lie ahead should I need care that could not be given by my family. Here I observed daily life in a rural nursing home/ care facility populated by elderly who were cared for by enthusiastic young girls and men, and by mostly Phillipino and immigrant nurses. These are my thoughts on those surreal weeks.

Anastasia and Old Nick.

Anastasia was a truly lovely lady. She was here on a voluntary basis, had settled into her new home and was very content. She was shrewdly observant and made her way to the so called Library after tea each evening where she held court!  She was very proud of the fact that her parents were of a mixed marriage but that her father had insisted the children were all raised Roman Catholics.

She was one of many I met in here who was happy with her lot, content to be someplace where her needs were seen to, where she did not have to worry about looking after herself, about shopping for meals, about doctor appointments, about taking her medicines at the correct times. I do not recall her having had any visitors when I was there. Perhaps she had no immediate family nearby.

She usually announced her arrival in the ‘library’ with the immortal words: ‘Do you believe’? My standard reply was ‘In what? ‘, ‘In ‘Old Nick’ of course’ she would answer. ‘And who on earth is Old Nick?’ I would ask, knowing full well what she meant. ‘Old Nick is the Devil himself ‘ she said and  ‘If you don’t believe in him, he will come to get you’.

Anastasia felt especially safe in her bed at night as a priest had been the previous occupant.  He had been given the Last Rites and died in that bed that was now hers. ‘Can you imagine the prayers that were said in that bed’ she would say? Old  Nick would not dare go near her there!

Every night after my first meeting with Anastasia I wondered who had occupied this bed that was now mine, hopefully temporarily.  How many had slept here?  Had they died? Had they been anointed? And how many were priests?

I will be glad to get back to my own bed, that I have owned from new and that has not been an anointed death bed.

I need to get out of here!

Leaving the world behind #1 – the ancient mariner.

In the summer of 2016 I spent 6 weeks in a care facility following surgery on a multiple leg fracture. Six long weeks. Six weeks when I wondered what ever would become of me, six long weeks when I had time to contemplate what might lie ahead should I need care that could not be given by my family. Here I observed daily life in a rural nursing home/ care facility populated by elderly who were cared for by enthusiastic young girls and men, and by mostly Phillipino and immigrant nurses. These are my thoughts on those surreal weeks.

The Ancient Mariner

Tall and distinguished, gold chain hanging from a waistcoat pocket, white shirt, with a perfectly knotted tie and wearing an exquisitely cut grey mohair suit, he arrives to the ‘library’. Probably in his 80s but looking younger, he is walking with a crutch, held backwards. He studies the library shelves, tilting his head slightly to one side to read titles on the vertical spines. Danielle Steele, Maeve Binchy, Patricia Cornwell do not stir any interest. Ian Rankin, Nelson DeMille, Andy McNab? No! The so-called Library consists of two lots of shelves in a chair lined room, with a table on one wall, covered in white linen.

He makes return trips on several consecutive days after his first arrival. The mohair suit and the beautifully knotted tie, to my surprise, are evident each day too. How long before these sartorial  items will be replaced by track suit bottoms and a tee shirt?

Sitting in the corner of a ‘library’ in a care facility, I observe the comings and goings of older people who must leave the world behind when they pass through the locked door. Some for weeks, some for longer, some forever. I wait for my broken leg to heal over possibly six weeks. In six weeks I hope to be on the outside again. Will he ever be back out there to choose his very own reading material, to peruse his own bookshelves for his reading of choice?

He turns and walks towards other shelves and I catch a glimpse of a hearing aid. Other residents are being escorted to the dining room for the last meal of the day, some walking with support, some in wheelchairs, some slowly making their own way on legs that are no longer strong. ‘What  do you like to read’ I ask, quite loudly. ‘SEX’ he responds, in as strong a voice as I have heard within these walls!  ‘ I don’t  think you will find much of that here’ I respond as he goes back to scrutinise the book shelves only feet away from a table shrouded in white linen, adorned with artificial flowers and a pair of  extinguished candles, that lies in wait for the weekly Wednesday morning mass.

SEX. Nothing could be further from life in a care home, in a nursing home, in a home for the elderly. Yet this man seeks it on the few miserable book shelves, populated by popular fiction, easy reading, chick lit, in all likelihood donated on a charitable basis by family of the patients.  What, after all would an older person want? What else could they be expected to read? Several times a day he returns to the bookshelves, almost in disbelief. Where are the books he is interested in? Where are the books suitable for a single former merchant navy seaman on these shelves beside the stark white linen altar, prepared for mass? Bent in disappointment, he swings his reversed crutch and klonks his way towards the dining room.

I need  to get out of here.

 

On Growing Old

In my previous post on Retirement: Smelling roses, enjoying brandy and learning to spit, I quoted the Jenny Joseph poem When I Grow Old.
My friend Chris has crafted her much more elegant and stylish aspirations into a thoughtful poem for the distant day when she arrives in that time in her life.  I think it’s a beautiful poem that deserves to be widely read!

WHEN I GROW OLD…

WHEN I GROW OLD….

When I grow old, I will not long for youth,

rather I will celebrate what has gone before

and look forward to what each day brings.

I will enjoy the company of myself, as well as that of family and friends..

of new discoveries, of revisiting old interests and developing new ones.

I will revel in choosing yes or no or maybe.. without guilt or reason.

I will enjoy friendships, both near and far….

I will take time to watch butterflies flit among the flowers

and listen to bird song every day…

I will drench myself in summer showers..

and sing in the moonlight…

I will write what I wish and read all I can…

Silken threads will be my palette

as I create simple things of beauty…

I will surround myself with roses and violets and daisies

I will bake at midnight if I wish

and eat fruit and cream for tea…

When I grow old, I will be me…

 (c)Crissouli Jan 24, 2016

Inspired by the post of my friend… Angela…

Retirement: Smelling roses, enjoying brandy and learning to spit!

Thank you Chris!

You can read more of her musings at The Back Fence of Genealogy .

Retirement: Smelling roses, enjoying brandy and learning to spit!

This is the third and final post on this trilogy on Retirement. My last two posts (here and here ) were  concerned with the very serious matters of mandatory retirement and the financial and social deprivation that were for me, the immediate fallout. March 2016 will see the 3rd anniversary of my compulsory retirement. The road was indeed a rocky one, and full of potholes, but now that I have travelled along it for a while, I have slipped into a ‘Third Age’ mentality and somehow seamlessly adapted to a life without the early morning alarm clock!

Some years ago my friend moved to live in London and I was amused by this little ditty that hung in her bathroom. Nicely framed, it was strategically placed so that any visiting females could not miss it.

WARNING!

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

——–Jenny Joseph.

During the early weeks of retirement I read this poem again several times. Cares and woes can certainly knock the stuffing out of anyone. Should I let them do just that and should I then go about running a stick along the railings, driving everyone mad? Clack, clack, clackclackclackclack clack, clack clackclackclack? A possible option, for sure!

BUT, this was NOT for me! I needed to re-evaluate, to re energize, to REINVENT myself if need be. And so I took every single opportunity to be away from home or in the company of others. During my first summer of ‘retirement’ I plied the length and breath of Ireland attending conferences and talks, popping into Museums and Galleries, going to beautiful places near home that deserved investigation, discovering things I did not know, rediscovering things I did know. If there were free events, so much the better. The budget was stretched as tight as a bodhran skin, but one or two fewer visits to the hairdressers was ok, and I never really minded beans on toast as a meal, and miracle of miracles—you do need fewer clothes when you don’t have to go to work! So on went the jeans and the comfy jacket…. and away I went!

A trip to Australia to spend time with my daughter and her family worked its magic…maybe this retirement isn’t so bad after all, with no worries about using up precious leave! The following year, having reached my 66th birthday I became eligible for free travel travel in Ireland and this opened up a whole new world…a day away in Dublin to go to the theatre, a day strolling around Galway, a day shopping in Cork or a day enjoying the festival in Tralee…all for free!

It took about a year to adjust to not having to rise at 6.30 each morning. During that transition year I discovered the gift of TIME that I now have in abundance. I use it as far as I can to improve my changed life. There is time to seek out and select bargains, time  for long slow cooking and tasty recipes, time to walk, time to read, time to spend hours in the swimming pool, time to exercise, time to catch up with friends, time to do some volunteering work, time to study and learn new things, and time to smell the roses!

I have not yet spent my pension on brandy, but I do have time to enjoy the occasional glass and as for ‘learning to spit’ – I am working on that – figuratively speaking of course!

I plan on wearing purple!

 

Age Action Silver Surfer Awards 2015

 

Once again it was such a thrill to be in the audience to see, hear about and celebrate with the finalists of the annual Age Action Silver Surfer Awards! This year we were in the lovely surroundings of the campus of Dublin City University (DCU), an appropriate place to celebrate involvement of older people who have chosen to advance themselves by learning how technology and engagement with social media can enhance their lives. DCU proudly carries the badge of an Age Friendly University and what an appropriate venue for the 2015 Awards.

George Hook, Silver Broadcaster extraordinaire.

The proceedings were in the capable hands of the larger than life radio and TV personality, George Hook who knows a thing or two about being a member of the older generation. His humorous and incisive introductions were heartily enjoyed by the audience.

Eamon Timmons, Chief Executive of Age Action made the very relevant point that the real winners of these awards are the older people ‘out there’ who are inspired by this years awards to engage with modern technology and reap the benefits of the positive change it will make to their lives at so many different levels.

The award that is one of my personal favourites is the New to IT Award as these people represent the hundreds who are taking first steps to discovering a whole new world, where information is literally at their fingertips, where new friendships can be developed, where family can be contacted, where new interests can be nurtured, where existing interests can be consolidated. Michael Monaghan was the winner. Following a stroke, Michael from County Meath trained himself to use modern technology for everyday tasks such as bill paying and keeping in touch with family via Skype and Viber.

Michael Monaghan was the winner

Equally inspirational were all of the finalists in this category – shining examples of determination to get to grips with the modern world and technology. Well done to all of them for indeed they are all winners!

Winners all, these are all of the excellent finalists.

The next category was to celebrate someone who uses the internet to pursue a passion or hobby. The very deserving winner this year was Stanley who is not only a vintage car enthusiast who sources parts on the internet, but also a sci-fi author whose first book is available on Amazon, entitled The Adam and Eve Chronicles. How about that! Congratulations Stanley!

The job of judging must be such a challenge as each finalist was a wonderful example of how the internet can be used to indulge an interest in so many fields! Well done to every one of you !

Up next was the Golden IT Award. This award is for someone in their golden years – over 80 – who uses technology to enhance their life.

Cork man Philip took the honours here. Philip operates an inspirational ‘thought for the day’ service sending out meaningful messages all over the world every morning! Well done Philip…you are truly inspirational!

The Tutor of the Year award is pivotal to the great work of the Age Action ‘Getting Started’ programme. The Getting Started programme aims to introduce seniors all across Ireland to the magic of the Internet, to enable them to communicate and to participate at various levels in the new technology that can literally transform their lives. The winner this year was Waterford tutor Pat Power who has lead 15 courses of students in the programme. Well done indeed Pat!

This year too saw a very special award to an exceptional tutor Nicholas Simms who has not only tutored 50 + beginners but has also come to grips with technology that enabled him to tutor blind course participants! Well done Nicholas on such dedication, justly acknowledged!

The jewel in the crown of the annual Silver Surfer  Awards is THE Silver Surfer Award. This  year’s deserving winner is Margaret Mullett, who used the tragedy of losing her husband  to hemochromatosis to get online and raise awareness of the condition and thereby possibly saved many lives. Many congratulations Margaret!

The finalists..

Margaret was the Winner!

As Eamon remarked earlier, all of Ireland’s Silver Surfers are the winners here…we need to get online, we need to embrace modern technology, we need to identify how we oldies can influence society, we need the support of the hard working volunteer tutors and we need the support of Age Action to help get us there!

Finally, and as ever, the entertainment at the event was simply wonderful, and how lovely to meet up with Silver Surfers from across Ireland…these feisty women made my day!

I was delighted to meet old friends and make new ones!

 

Silver Surfers on Irish National Television

The Official Photo on the Seven O’Clock Show Set. L to R: Ian O’Reilly, Actor, Dermot Whelan,Comedian,  Me, Marie Corbett, Lucy, Martin

As a result of the Women’s Way magazine article on Silver Surfers about which I wrote here, TV3, one of Ireland’s National TV Networks, invited us to take part in the The Seven O’Clock Show last night. So it was with a lot of butterflies in my stomach that I headed off on the three-hour drive to the Dublin Studios.

Marie Corbett, who featured in the article with me was quite honestly the most charming,funny lady I have met in a long time. It is easy to see why she is the pin-up girl for Age Action and seems to have an endless list of photo shoots and meetings with important people ,such as TV personalities and the President of Ireland no less! Marie began her cyber-career with the Age Action ‘Getting Started’ programme. Her daughter and grandchildren had moved to Armenia and with unreliable postal and telephone services,she was offered a second-hand computer to keep in contact with her family. Determined to come to terms with this new fangled technology, she says she challenged her very patient tutor, but I am certain he would have found her such a tonic that he loved showing her the ropes! Marie was awarded the ‘Most Dedicated IT Learner’ in Age Action’s 2009’s inaugural Silver Surfer awards.  Enthusiasm is her middle name and she so deserves to be the Queen of the Silver Surfers in Ireland.

Marie with her lovely grand-daughter Adele .

It was a lot of fun being in TV3 studios – everyone we met from the receptionist at the door to the janitor when we left, was friendly and welcoming.The programme team were just lovely, very positive, very reassuring as indeed were the programme hosts, the beautiful and witty Lucy Kennedy and the very popular Martin King.

It is not often that older people get to feature on national television,so a A big ‘THANK YOU’ to The Seven  O’Clock  Show for having us there to hear why we embraced the internet and how it has been life changing for us. Hopefully we inspired others to make the leap and get engaged with modern technology and social networking. Age Action continues to organize ‘Getting Started’ programmes across Ireland to encourage older people to become familiar with this remarkable resource,  right there at your fingertips!

The Irish Silver Surfers Queen and myself !

Marie and I are very conscious of the fact that we would not  have enjoyed the success that we have had without the extraordinary work and dedication of Age Action, a charity for older people, that not only advocates for older people, but gets involved in the practical side of things too!

The programme can be viewed here for about two weeks from now, September 8 2015. Our segment is at about the 12 minute + point. Lots of ads!

 

Don’t Stop Me Now!

This very arresting title headlined an article in Woman’s Way magazine in which I was featured a couple of weeks ago, resulting from an interview/long conversation with the journalist Arlene Harris. Arlene was trying to discover how the lives of people have changed since our younger days and how they are so different to the lives of younger people today, and indeed older people of just a few decades ago because of our attitudes and most of all because of modern technology.

Being featured  with Marie O’Gorman, the renowned Skype Queen and great-grandmother was a real privilege. Imagine teaching your grandchildren to knit on Skype! Marie is a great example of someone who grasped modern technology with both hands, knowing that it would enhance her life and reduce social isolation and shorten the distance between her home in Ireland and her daughter’s home in Armenia.

My own life has been totally transformed by social media and I am fortunate to have as close friends people who live in Australia and the United States. I have met some of these wonderful people in person, and it is as though we have known one another all of our lives. One very special lady has visited me in Ireland and stayed at my home, while I meet other followers on social media on a regular basis at events and confereces across the country..  The encouragement and support of other social media users is phenomenal and can only have a positive effect on older people who may otherwise be living in social isolation.

I am very grateful to Age Action for the inspiration and encouragement to keep going as a ‘Silver Surfer’ and for the excellent programmes they have in place to encourage older people to engage with technology especially through their ‘Getting Started’ classes that run across Ireland. Age Action also co-ordinates U3A , which is an abbreviation for University of the Third Age. I like to think of these as ‘Discovery’ programmes for older people where we can learn from our peers in  the University of Life by sharing skills and life experiences. Bingo and sing alongs are wonderful for many of our generation but are not for everyone. How about outings to historic places, museums, art galleries,concerts, theatre events,long walks or short holidays abroad? The world really is our  oyster!

And a huge ‘thank you’ to Woman’s Way for featuring  Silver Surfers  and spreading the message of a whole new world that is there to be explored in our later years! !

The text of the full Woman’s Way article can be read here  180815 Women’s Way article. (Published with permission). My photo is  by the very talented Eva Birdthistle in Limerick .

180815 Women’s Way article.